I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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