Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
