I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
the day after is always just damage control
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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