Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
