Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
