Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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