Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
