I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
