Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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