the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
