Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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