Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
