It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
