you win again, gameday.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
