I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
