Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
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