I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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