this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
