8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
