VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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