Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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