my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
