a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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