4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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