I wanna passion pit in your ass
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
