things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
