i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
