I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
