My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
