So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
