I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
