my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
