Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Life is so much better after having sex.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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