At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
