Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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