every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
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