Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
