Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
