I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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