i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
