the condom got lost in my hair
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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