okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
