I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
