well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
