I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
