Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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