Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
