Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
