THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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