too bad you live with your parents still
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
