Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
