i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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