I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
