Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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