i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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