She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
