i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
