I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
